Picture Perfect

Pictures are supposed to be the snapshots of our memories, the golden moments we will always hold on to our irreverent links to the past! I have an old photograph sitting here in front of me it was taken on September 4.

A lot has happened to me since that day; I have met countless new people whose names I have long since forgotten, seen new places and cities whose memories jumble into one indistinguishable image, revolutionized my life countless times only to forget the ethos of my new revelations! Some memories fade with time but the day In question I remember vividly; the occupants still freshly framed in my mind & the flash of the camera light still searing my eye.

The picture in question is one of me and a girl I used to tell I loved. I have spoken a lot of empty words and wasted many empty days in my few short years on this earth but this picture; no matter where I am or what I’m doing always brings me crashing right back into the world it captured for that fleeting moment.

When I bring it to my eyes and allow myself to focus always there is the reminiscing, loathing and sheer sadness that besieges my confidently drawn up world and still I look upon it fondly every so often but mostly I push it to the bottom of a drawer, promising myself that what is in that drawer is no good for me, that I have moved on that I do not need to see it.

It was the end of a hot summer, I had been though it all that year dropped out of high school and moved out on my own. I had found myself in an old rundown apartment barley getting by but when I look back even though I know that my circumstances and projections for my future were little more than bleak, that is not what sticks out to me most!

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and truthfully I have to agree with all the people who helped perpetuated that cliché. Because when I reminisce on that time all I can remember was being happy, in a constant state of bliss not really concerned with the worries and everyday thoughts that now accompany my waking moments.

What I do remember were the walks in the park, the silly little inside jokes we used to carry on. Or our daily meetings for lunch always ending with her saying the obligatory “I love you” and my inevitable and constant reply “ya, you too”. I had just gotten back from the store and opened the package of our pictures we had taken the day before and was flipping through them looking for the one, I need to find the one where I was smiling just right where I looked so handsome. Ah, there it is I smiled to myself contentedly I had won! This was to be my crowning moment I had finally gotten it right smiled at just the right moment and I swear that looking into that picture there were no two people in the world who were more blissful more at peace more unaware of the world swirling around them. I had shivers flying up my spine, I loved it.

Then it came the call that would change me forever, the pale rider of days gone I have tried so hard to avoid, galloping feverishly toward me! I looked down at my phone and saw it was her, smiling and thinking to myself that I would not tell her anything of the picture till I could show her in person. Because without doubt my words were too inadequate to suffice, there was no way I could properly articulate the beauty of the moment captured by that piece of film.

I remember answering and going into my usual preamble before the real conversation took place but it was cut short. Her mother was on the line, there had been a horrible accident and it was not good. I remember hanging up the phone and screaming at the sky I yelled at the trees and I cursed everything I could think of that could have possibly let this happen.

My rage faded and the emotions I tried so hard to disguise as anger could no longer hold up their weak façade, I fell apart that day and wept for the last time. Looking at this photo I feel so many different emotions.

What if anything do I really remember, Were things really that simple? Were we really happy; was I truly unaware of the world outside of her? The way I see things now I tend to think that was just time playing a trick on me romanticizing my memories sweetening them , eschewing the awkward moments and turning something ordinary into a symphony of beautiful smiles, exchanges and laughs.

Now I don’t know how close to the truth my memory has been and in all honesty even if it was a complete debauchery of the truth a total fabrication, I would not want to know !my memory of her will forever be held in that picture, in our smiles & in our embrace!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and when I look all I can see is a masterpiece. It truly was picture perfect.